Who exactly is this Inner Bitch I keep wittering on about?
She’s that voice in your head telling you you’re not good enough.
She’s the one telling you that you can’t do this, that or the other.
We’ve all got one.
Your Inner Bitch compares you other people, says you’re not as pretty, funny, clever, wealthy, successful or slim, (the list is endless!) as your friends, colleagues and just about anyone else you come across.
She stops you from achieving because she fills you with fear of failure, humiliation and ridicule.
She makes you doubt your decisions, your actions and your achievements.
She insists you’re an imposter and tells you you’ll be exposed for the fraud she makes you think you are.
She feeds your anxieties and fuels your lack of confidence.
She judges you harshly.
She replays what she perceives as your mistakes and failures on a loop.
She talks in absolutes – ‘you always get it wrong’, ‘no one will ever love you’, ‘you’re never going to be successful’
Recognise her now?
Yup, I thought so!
But let me tell you this… Not only is your Inner Bitch a total pain in the arse, she’s also totally and utterly WRONG!!
About EVERYTHING. So we’re going to kill her with kindness.
‘But how?’ I hear you cry! (figuratively, not literally… it’s starting to sound like there are ‘voices’ in my head isn’t it… I’m fine, I promise!)
The good news is there are so, so many different ways to silence that inner bitch.
I’m so excited to be able to share them here with you because I know they really work.
First we need to know the enemy before we can obliterate them.
Your Inner Bitch is pretty darn negative, always highlighting your flaws and making you feel bad about yourself. Well, that is her job I suppose.
‘Cos believe it or not, she’s there to keep you safe. The inner Bitch , also known as the “ego,” is a part of the psyche that helps to protect us from potential harm.
Unfortunately, that pops up in the form of negative thoughts and self-talk that discourage risk-taking or unfamiliar behaviours. Even if they’re risks worth taking or much-improved behaviours. The inner Bitch’s favourite thing is to protect the sense of self, which is why she tends to be very critical of anything that might be perceived as a threat to one’s sense of self-worth or identity.
She does this by constantly evaluating our actions and decisions, looking for potential risks and dangers, and then communicating those risks to us in the form of negative thoughts and self-talk. In this way, the inner critic helps to keep us safe by keeping us within familiar and safe boundaries, rather than pushing us to take unnecessary risks. Hello, comfort zone!
Trouble is, this survival strategy defence mechanism is fatally flawed and can become overactive and can lead to limiting beliefs and self-sabotage, thus it’s important to learn how to manage and overcome it so that it doesn’t affect your work, and relationships, and how you view yourself and even your mental and physical health.
The Inner Bitch’s voice is a learned behaviour, and it may take time and effort to quiet her down, but with the right tools and techniques, you can replace her with your Inner Bestie.
Now, here’s the thing – the inner critic isn’t all bad. There’s a kinder voice in your head, that angel on your shoulder whispering in your other ear. Only she’s far quieter, and you don’t hear her often. And when you do, you don’t always believe her. Introducing… Taa Dah… Your Inner Bestie!
With the help of your Inner Bestie, we’re going to unpick that Inner Bitch, take out her stuffing, and put it all back in the right way round.
Replacing your Inner Bitch with your Inner Bestie is a really effective, really important way to deal with her.
So who’s your Inner Bestie?
Blimey it’s getting crowded in that head with all these people in there isn’t it? Of course they’re all metaphors, but it really helps to think of these thoughts as coming from separate people to be able to connect with and therefore deal with them.
Your Inner Bestie is that quiet, shy voice who occasionally sticks up for you and says kind, loving things. Give her a louder, more resonating timbre! You’d much rather hang out with a bestie than a bitch in real-life after all!
Let your Inner Bestie in, nurture her, empower her, let her take over. LISTEN to her!
As one of my fave motivational speakers Tony Robbins (he’s proper fit as well as wise lol!), says: “what you focus on grows. Give more attention to the positive thoughts, and they’ll soon take over the negative.”
I’ve just had a little chuckle about that now actually… this is a brilliant example – I’ve literally just cut my sandwich in half with a teaspoon as all the knives were in the dishwasher. I actually caught myself saying ‘Joanne, you silly girl’ out loud. (Funnily enough I’ve just realised that sounded more like my mother than me, she’s the only person that calls me Joanne for a start, but that’s a way deeper kettle of fish for another time).
Anyway, the teaspoon got the job done perfectly well, no one was harmed, and said sandwich was still edible and small enough to eat properly.
Once I’d caught my Inner Bitch speaking to me like I was a five-year-old, I made sure my Inner Bestie punched her in the face. (Figuratively, ain’t no Fight Club going on here!).
Via my Inner Bestie, I congratulated myself on my utterly fabulous creative thinking and problem-solving abilities. So I went from being a silly little girl to a genius problem-solving survivalist in just a few seconds!
An inconsequential example I know, but do you see how powerful it is to change those thoughts around?
And that, you gorgeous gal, is exactly why I’m so excited to have this space to share all I’ve learned on my journey. I’ve stopped constantly feeling like utter shite about myself, and I know you can too.
It’s not just that the feeling bad about yourself that goes – it’s the feeling that replaces it that’s truly empowering. Feeling unstoppable, totally lit-up on the inside and confident that you can achieve anything you want to feels so indescribably good!
Anyway, I’m living proof it can be done, so let’s ditch your inner bitch together!!!
But first, where does this Inner Bitch come from?
Well, she’s a combination of things. It could be from past experiences and beliefs, societal messages, and cultural influences. It could be from things that you’ve internalized from your parents, teachers, or even friends. But something created that obnoxious creature – you weren’t born with your inner bitch, she’s something you’ve learned.
So how do we deal with her?
Recognize when Your Inner Bitch is Talking
Once you’re aware of your Inner Bitch’s voice, you can start to challenge her negative thoughts and beliefs.
- Pay attention to negative self-talk and thoughts that seem to hold you back or limit your beliefs about yourself.
- These thoughts may include phrases such as “I can’t do that,” “I’m not good enough,” or “I’ll never be successful.”
- Once you have identified these negative thoughts, you can challenge them by asking yourself questions such as “Is this thought based on fact or emotion?” “Is there evidence to support this belief?” and “What would I tell a friend if they had this thought?”
- Once you’ve identified the negative thought, replace it with a more positive empowering thought.
- remember that the inner critic is not the whole of you, it’s just a small part of it, you are much more than your inner critic’s voice.
Sounds nice and simple, doesn’t it?
It might be simple, but it most definitely is not easy. Especially if you’re trying to do it alone.
Ditching your Inner Bitch and Embracing your Inner Bestie takes much practice, repetition and determination. But it’s DEFINITELY POSSIBLE and INFINTELY WORTH IT.
That’s why I’ve created this website to help you Ditch yours. There are tons of resources to help you, and I’ll be here for you every step of the way.
Here’s to you Ditching your Inner BItch, Embracing your Inner Bestie so you can finally feel good enough and reveal a happier you!
Big, big love,
Jo xx