Welcome to my very first published Ditch Your Inner Bitch blog post! (I’ve written loads but ironically my Inner Bitch told me they were rubbish so I didn’t publish them. Or indeed the website for the same ridiculous reason).
I spent years swinging between ‘OMG, I’m so frikkin’ excited to help other women via my Ditch Your Inner Bitch blog’, to ‘Oh b*llox to that, who am I to help anyone? Who the f*ck do I think I am to give anyone else advice?’*.
Haha, yes, how ironic. Hello there, Inner Bitch! She kept telling me that I’d never get rid of her, so who the hell do I think I am to show someone else how to do it? BUT – ya know what, I’ve realised that I DO have the right to share what I’ve learned, and if I only make just one person feel as flippin’ happy, glowy and fuzzy inside as I do right now, then my work here is done.
So here I sit, absolutely ecstatic because my website’s been so irretrievably damaged by a virus that I had to pull the plug on it.
Yup, I’m on a high because the Ditch Your Inner Bitch website I have spent years faffing with, admiring, hating, hiding and then sharing with a only select few is lost forever.
Bloody typical – I had FINALLY got my arse into gear, set myself a strict schedule to ‘launch’ Ditch Your Inner Bitch ‘properly’ – by ‘properly’, I mean: finish creating the website and Toolkit, write inspirational/motivational blog posts, create useful resources, unearth the millions of social media posts I created then hid, and actually SHARE THEM ALL with the world.
As my sorely neglected friends will attest, I’ve been locked in my writing cave for weeks, ticking off my list. I will say that I didn’t keep to the impossibly unrealistic schedule (thanks, Inner Bitch, but that ‘setting me up to fail’ tactic didn’t stop me this time!). I found it a hard slog, I didn’t feel inspired. The stuff I was writing didn’t pour from my heart and soul like it usually does when I get into my ‘flow’ state. I just wasn’t feeling lit up by it as I have before.
Then only four days ago, I went to show my progress on the website to a friend I’d finally got together with, and the image above what I saw. WTAF?
Long story short, it couldn’t be fixed.
A few years back, I’d have been in inconsolable tears, wanting to stamp my feet and clench my fists and scream ‘It’s not fair’ like a terrible two-year-old.
I’d have driven myself crazy with thoughts that the universe hates me, that there’s no point to my existence and that it was a sign that I should just give up and not bother. Then I’d have probably hidden from the world in my comfort zone of Netflix and Chill (my version of chill, incidentally, is a hook-up with a wedding reception-sized selection of beige snacks).
I used to be so profoundly affected by things going wrong that I’d sink into a dark hole of depression. I’d ignore messages and be too anxious to go out. If did venture out (to the shop for snacks), I’d wear scruffy, slouchy clothes that felt nearest to a pair of PJs (that’s if I bothered to change out of my PJs, mind you), no make-up, and I might brush my hair if it was lucky. I’d look like I’d slept in a hedge. I used to think that if I did that, I’d look so dreadful that no one would stop and talk to me and I wouldn’t have to engage.
I’m chuckling at that because it’s so ludicrously self-destructive.
However, on one occasion, this beautiful soul came up to me as I swiped at the tears rolling down my face (that’s the way panic attacks used to strike – I just couldn’t control the tears and got so used to it that I stopped caring or feeling embarrassed by it). Anyhoo, this gorgeous woman told me I looked like I needed a hug and asked permission to do so. She enveloped me in a bear hug, then told me she gets it, that she sometimes feels that way and wanted to show me I was not alone.
Yes, I appreciate that it may sound like a creepy encounter. But it wasn’t because I could feel the beautiful, empathetic energy intended in that gesture.
Blimey, I’m at the end of the page and haven’t even got to the point of what I’m trying to say here. That’s typical ‘me’ behaviour. You should try having a real-life conversation with me.
So, my point is that instead of having yet another mental breakdown over the unjustness of my shitty life at the destruction of my website, I – with the invaluable help of my incredible business mentor/personal superhero Naima – hooked up a fresh new version of the site with a new web host. Which, incidentally, was a fraction of the cost of the original useless one that rendered this attack unfixable.
And may I just take a moment to say that if you have an online business or are considering setting one up, Naima is the only person you’ll ever need. She’s an absolute genius in all the things – tech, marketing, copywriting… and goes way over and above what you’d ever expect. My website broke whilst she was on vacation. She took the time try to fix it, and when that wasn’t possible she jumped on zoom and walked me through setting up the brand new one. Check her out here.
So what was the difference in this particular drama? Why didn’t I have a meltdown?
The difference was – wait for it… drum roll…:
The way I thought about it.
If you know me, you’ll know I’m always banging on about our thoughts becoming our reality. It’s the entire ethos behind Ditch Your Inner Bitch. If you have crappy thoughts, you’ll have a crappy life. No question.
I admit that I’m a bit of a drama queen. My neurodivergence (more about that another time) makes it extremely difficult for me to regulate my emotions, so I feel everything – negative and positive – very deeply, and it’s not always easy for me to think positively.
But this time, I did.
I was adamant that I wasn’t letting that hacky mofo beat me. As a result, now not only do I have a BEAUTIFUL brand-new website that I’m infinitely proud of, but I’ve also nailed down a framework that runs through the entire Ditch Your Inner Bitch ethos.
I knew that framework was already there, I just wasn’t able to articulate it. So thanks, Inner Bestie – I won’t feel ashamed of singing my own praises as I worked bloody hard to get this website up and running and to create the resources to share the framework.
But MORE than that, what I ACTUALLY did was ACT MORE THAN I THOUGHT. That’s the entire key to this whole thing.
My first website rebuilding session was until 2.30 am. At which point I sat back to marvel at my new baby, clicked something I shouldn’t have, and the whole flippin’ lot got deleted.
I had no backup yet (I am seriously technically challenged), but I had been taking screenshots of practically every last keystroke so that I’d have something to copy in the ‘unlikely’ event it went Pete Tong again. That was only two days ago, and I’m typing this wondering how the AF I could have been SO stupid as not to have had a backup.
Anyhoo, I sat there with all my screenshots, rebuilt it AGAIN and finally stopped at around 5.30 am. And still, I felt ecstatic.
When the website was nuked, my incredible biz mentor Naima told me that the universe had done this to make me fight for it. I’m pretty sure it was her way of saying we don’t know what we’ve got ‘til it’s gone (cue earworm, you’re welcome), and that I need to be more consistent and see this thing through.
She was right. Of course, she couldn’t have predicted I would be so lackadaisical as to lose it again the very same day. But even then, I’m glad I did because it meant that the very steep learning curve of the tech of building the website was cemented deep in my lil’ technically challenged brain.
Because I leave so long between bouts of tinkering with the website, I forget how to do everything. I had to teach myself how to do it again. The third time’s a charm. I reinforced that learning by immediately doing it all over again. Now I’ll never forget how to do all that tedious fiddly stuff.
It feels incredible to FINALLY stop fighting with the inner bitch over this website and letting my Inner Bestie take the wheel. I cannot wait to get this thing to a point where it’s ready to share. I was scared to share it before because it just didn’t feel right somehow. Now it feels utterly glorious, absolutely perfect in its imperfection.
Yup, Shift most definitely Happens.
Now, not only do I have a website I love, I have a million resources to share that I’ve created from all the lessons I’ve learned from this process. I’ve had a bazillion ideas on inspiring that spark of ‘Hell yes, I can, and I bloody well WILL’ in others. And I’m SO excited to share that. I won’t be hiding mine any more, that’s for sure.
So what have we learned today, kids?
Well, 1. I learned not to listen to a playlist containing the same track as the ringtone on your phone whilst you’re working and then try to answer your phone when it plays. Doh!
- I digress an awful lot. Though I like to think the digressions are relevant. I’ve deleted loads that weren’t.
- OUR THOUGHTS REALLY DO CREATE OUR REALITY.
I cannot emphasise this enough. Originally, I thought I was being stoic and ‘shit happens’ about the website. But no. It seems I was creating the perfect energy for an entire new playground – no, let’s call it a luxury resort – for the heart, mind and soul.
We’ll eventually get to the body, I’ve not got the bandwidth for healthy living atm as I’m existing solely on gallons of coffee (I LOVE you, Nespresso), junk food deliveries, and very little sleep.
I’m living in my PJs as I can’t even spare the time to get dressed ‘cos I cannot WAIT to get to my desk and create more when I wake up. And what a fcking revelation that is. I feel ALIVE. I’ve finally fallen in love with my purpose enough to trust myself enough to share it. And I’m going to share it with purpose.
I realise this isn’t of any practical use to you whatsoever thus far.
However, I wanted to share the backstory of this revolutionary moment to show you how I came up with the D.I.T.C.H. Mind Reboot I’m about to share so you can see it worked for me before it was even invented. How’s that for efficiency?
It was important to me to leverage this experience to make it of the utmost use to you so you can experience the same incredible shifts.
I’ve thoroughly analysed the thought process that triggered all this Pollyanna-level positivity so I can share how I got there from what could have been a soul-destroying disaster.
Et voila, the D.I.T.C.H. Mind Reboot was born. It’s had a decade-long gestation period. A whole decade. The points for reflection within the framework are, I later realised, very similar to those in a technique for stopping panic attacks I’ve used for years.
I should point out that I’ve had many panic attacks where it hasn’t worked.
Ya know why? ‘Cos I didn’t use it. Why didn’t I use it?
Because my Inner Bitch wanted to keep me safe in my uncomfortable comfort zone. Trust me for having a comfort zone that isn’t in the slightest bit comfortable.
I’ll write a separate post on that because you’ve landed on this particular website for a reason, and may have the same problem. It’s (almost) as interesting as it is soul-destroying, but the good news is it’s fixable.
Anyways, now I’ve wittered on at great length about how the DITCH Framework worked automatically for me before it even existed, I implore you to try it when you face difficult situations you can’t get your head around.
You don’t need to wait for a drama. Use it to silence that inner critic whenever she rears her ugly head. I can guarantee that the more you use the D.I.T.C.H. Mind Reboot, the more your brain (sorry, I mean your Inner Bestie) will automatically stop those negative Inner Bitch thoughts creeping in before they even have a chance to frame themselves.
You can check out the D.I.T.C.H. Mind Reboot here.
Of course, I’d absolutely LOVE to know your thoughts on all this, whether you’ve used the D.I.T.C.H. Mind Reboot, how it’s worked for you, or just anything you want to share. So please do get in touch if you feel moved to do so.
It’s time for me to dive back into the wonderful world of WordPress and fannying about with fonts and box shadows, so I’ll bid you farewell for now.
Happy Inner Bitch DITCHING, beautiful!
Big, big love,
Jo xx
*I am very sweary. I was going to apologise for my sailor-strength potty mouth, but I’ve decided not to because that’s who I am. It doesn’t make me a bad person. However, I am sorry if you don’t like the sweariness because that’s who you are. That most definitely doesn’t make you a bad person, either. Is that a fair compromise? This bit’s for you, Mum and Naima.
Also, I bloody love a footnote.